My Mental Illness Recovery Story, Chapter 15


 “Nothing produces deeper satisfaction than successfully challenging our own weaknesses.” (Senora Roy)

About four years ago, on a camping trip with my mother and stepfather, I finally overcame the fears of my abuser (stepdad) , as I stopped believing “I was no good.” Being belittled, I yelled back at him: “You are wrong! I don’t believe in your lives! I am a good person!”

After a verbal argument between me and him, we left the campsite and rode home, without anyone hardly saying a word. However, after arriving to his house, my stepfather threatened me, by saying the following: “If you ever mouth to me again, I will seriously hurt you!”

Like a coward, I passively said, “Okay”, as I got in my car and headed home to my apartment. However, about three miles down the road, as I reminisced over all the times I submissively let him abuse me, I got real angry. Finally being a man, I turned my car around, and headed back to his house – “I wasn’t going to take any crap anymore!”

I didn’t want to start a fight, but I knew it would  inevitable. Driving very fast, I prayed to God for courage and strength as I turned into his driveway. Still taking his camping gear out of his truck, I got out of my car and ran over to him, pointing my finger at him, and telling him, “Don’t you dare threatened my, you .. (expletive)”. The next thing I knew we got in a fight, and he punched me in the face, breaking my glasses and giving me a bloody, swollen lip.

“You (expletive), you put ice on my testicles! Why did you put ice on my testicles, you son of a *****”.

What he said, in response, totally shocked me. He said, “Maybe this is good that we are having this fight! I’m sorry for all the bad things I did to you! Every day, I regret what I did, and wish I could start all over again, and change things, but I can’t. I’m so sorry!”

After things settled down, I finally felt like a man as I headed toward home. Since then, me and my stepdad get along real well, as I can tell each time I see him, he is trying to do the right thing. I forgive him for all his wrongdoings. That camping trip became the impetus of emotional healing for me, as well as, personal self-respect. I also gained much more control over my fears and obsessions, as” I am no longer that kid scared of everything!”

In addition, to my stepdad, the relationship between myself and my biological father has also been restored. Even though I still only see him once a year, I can tell by his demeanor he has changed much for the better. He still has flaws, but so do I. Each day we see him we both make a concerted effort to show to the other, “I love you.”

“Nobody can you feel inferior without your consent.”  (Eleanor Roosevelt)

Listen to these inspirational songs, related to the theme of this chapter:

Matthew West – Miracle Time (Official Lyric Video)

Kevin Winebarger | Courage [LYRIC VIDEO]

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