Chapter 26: My Former Abuser Today – A Changed Man

In the last approximate seven years, the behaviors, temperaments, and character of my formerly abusive stepfather has remarkably changed for the better. I believe God, anger control medicine, past regrets, and a strong desire for rehabilitation has evolved Randy into a person totally different from the once before selfish, volatile, judgmental, abusive man I knew as a kid. He seemingly has made a 180 degree transformation since about 2014.

Since 2014, very seldom Randy has acted noticeably judgmental or lost his temper toward me. Many times, I would be vigilant during visits with my stepdad of him possibly being abusive, and leaving impressed and at times surprised of his excellent behavior. In time, I became less impressed and surprised as it soon became the norm of his actions. I can only recall two negative experiences I had with him since 2014, which were both only minorly egregious. I remember one instance telling me: “I am not trying to be mean when I say this. . .” I could tell right away he was making a concerted effort not to be verbally abusive or judgmental to me.

Randy is a lot less selfish and a lot more caring and loving, than he used to be. I had also seen a noticeable improvement in him not complaining or being critical when talking about other people. He helps people a lot in need, especially my ninety-year-old grandmother. He once told the son of my cousin, the following: “If now, since you are going to be on your own, living away from your parents, and you ever decide to do something real bad, and you  become scared, and are afraid to tell your parents, you can call me anytime, even in the middle of the night, and talk to me, and I will give you advice, since I have done as a child almost everything you could think about doing, and I will give you advice, and I will help you through your problem.” I was surprised when Randy said that because “he never before seemed like the person who was willing to do that for a kid.” That showed me evidence of his transformation.

Randy attends church on a weekly basis, much more than before. He is more interested in God – I noticed one day he was wearing a Christian bracelet around his wrist, inscribed with armor of God writing on it. I have been praying Randy would be closer to God for a while, and his life would be transformed, it seems like it had finally happened.

Randy’s anger control medicine seems to be working great. He also stopped doing pot completely years ago. Other possible factors for the change.

About ten years ago, during our camping trip, he said things on that day that makes me today believe he had major regrets in how he treated me as a child and that he had a strong desire to make things right. I believe that has led him to work hard for rehabilitation.

My stepdad’s transformation is an inspiration to those who have made past mistakes and want to change their lives for the better. He is especially an example for those who have abused another to work hard to become better, and also gives hope to the abused that their abuser can also change. Anything is possible if a person believes and surrenders their life to God.

A transformed life through the power of God reveals the greatness of God at work. In my life, God allowed Randy to abuse for a divine purpose – it wasn’t good what my abuser did to me, but God used it for good. People reading my story can hopefully find hope and inspiration – if there was no abuse, I wouldn’t have an overcoming story to tell.

Personally, my experiences with my stepfather have taught me how to persevere, work hard, love and forgive, overlook faults, how to see the good in bad things, how to trust and have faith, what success truly means, the necessity to give another a second chance, and the grace of God, to name a few.  Even though I didn’t originally see it, but I believe now I am a better man because of my stepdad.

Addison Road – “Change In The Making”

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