I FINALLY OVERCOME FEAR OF ABUSER

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IN SEARCH OF A BETTER TOMORROW

My Mental Illness Recovery Story, Chapter 15

“CAMPING TRIP: I FINALLY OVERCAME THE FEAR OF MY ABUSER “

 

 “Nothing produces deeper satisfaction than successfully challenging our own weaknesses.”

Senora Roy

About four years ago, on a camping trip with my mother and stepfather, I finally overcame the fears of my abuser (stepdad) , as I stopped believing “I was no good.” Being belittled, I yelled back at him: “You are wrong! I don’t believe in your lives! I am a good person!”

After a verbal argument between me and him, we left the campsite and rode home, without anyone hardly saying a word. However, after arriving to his house, my stepfather threatened me, by saying the following: “If you ever mouth to me again, I will seriously hurt you!”

Like a coward, I passively said, “Okay”, as I got in my car and headed home to my apartment. However, about three miles down the road, as I reminisced over all the times I submissively let him abuse me, I got real angry. Finally being a man, I turned my car around, and headed back to his house – “I wasn’t going to take any crap anymore!”

I didn’t want to start a fight, but I knew it would  inevitable. Driving very fast, I prayed to God for courage and strength as I turned into his driveway. Still taking his camping gear out of his truck, I got out of my car and ran over to him, pointing my finger at him, and telling him, “Don’t you dare threatened my, you .. (expletive)”. The next thing I knew we got in a fight, and he punched me in the face, breaking my glasses and giving me a bloody, swollen lip.

“You (expletive), you put ice on my testicles! Why did you put ice on my testicles, you son of a *****”.

What he said, in response, totally shocked me. He said, “Maybe this is good that we are having this fight! I’m sorry for all the bad things I did to you! Every day, I regret what I did, and wish I could start all over again, and change things, but I can’t. I’m so sorry!”

After things settled down, I finally felt like a man as I headed toward home. Since then, me and my stepdad get along real well, as I can tell each time I see him, he is trying to do the right thing. I forgive him for all his wrongdoings. That camping trip became the impetus of emotional healing for me, as well as, personal self-respect. I also gained much more control over my fears and obsessions, as” I am no longer that kid scared of everything!”

In addition, to my stepdad, the relationship between myself and my biological father has also been restored. Even though I still only see him once a year, I can tell by his demeanor he has changed much for the better. He still has flaws, but so do I. Each day we see him we both make a concerted effort to show to the other, “I love you.”

“Nobody can you feel inferior without your consent.”  Eleanor Roosevelt

 

fear_no_evil

 

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