A Broken Heart

“Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved: for thou art my praise.” (Jeremiah 17:14)

Satan gave me a broken heart through a father’s wound and broken dreams.  Although it took decades for God to heal me, I joyfully testify today God healed me from my broken heart. Today, I will try to encourage and lead you in your battles with a broken heart by sharing life lessons I learned concerning my broken heart.

When someone hurts you

From my earthly fathers, instead of love, I received rejection and abuse and an OCD illness. Unable to receive love, affirmation, and validation from them, I unsuccessfully tried to earn acceptance through performance. Thus, I experienced a father’ wound, as the more I got abused as a child, the greater the wound, and the wider the cracks of my broken heart’s foundation (two questions) became from the pressure (the pain of my wounds) that exerted on my heart. Eventually, my wounded heart felt so much pain that it nearly shattered, and I almost committed suicide in 1996.

My broken heart desperately needed to receive love and to have a strong sense of identity.; unfortunately, during my childhood, I experienced so much rejection that a rejection mindset formed in me, destabilizing my identity. As people perceive themselves as being unworthy of being loved, they develop a rejection mindset, where they anticipate and expect to be rejected by people in various encounters in relationships. Fear of getting hurt again usually leads people with rejection mindsets to emotionally isolate themselves from other people. Emotionally isolating constricts the experience of receiving love from another person, which Satan wants to happen.

The more someone hurts you, the greater the pain, which only weakens your identity as rejection mindsets get worse. The stronger the rejection mindset’s effect upon identity, the more blurred lens in how accurately we perceive what love is supposed to be like becomes. This happened to me as my negative experiences of my earthly fathers tainted how I viewed God as a father.

My father’s wound influenced me to perceive God as having the same character as my abusive earthly fathers. I also tried to earn God’s love through performance as I obsessively tried to be perfect in not sinning, in fear of experiencing wrath and punishment from God. Thankfully, I’ve made considerable progress in not doing this, as the truths of God’s justification and grace set me free.

Once we are saved and become a child of God because of grace, we are justified forever; therefore, we will always be eternally loved, completely forgiven, and absolutely accepted, despite all our sins and imperfections, which omniscient God knew of before He chose Christ to die for us to pay the penalty of our sins and to adopt us as His children. Knowing all our sins and imperfections didn’t dissuade God from choosing to justify us and sacrificing His Son to pay for our adoptions. In the Father’s eyes, we are considered valuable as Christ was the propitiation of our sins, enabling adoption.

God is my adopted father and is perfect love, so He is a perfect father, unlike my earthly fathers. Abba Father chose the cross so His children could always be eternally loved, completely accepted, and forgiven because He perfectly loves us and considers us valuable.

Today, I realize God is a perfect father. My relationships with my earthly fathers have also improved, and my rejection mindset has left me, as I don’t emotionally isolate myself much anymore. I love myself, and my relationships with people are thriving. Scrupulosity has been less interfering in my life, as my formerly blurred lens toward God’s love now sees the truth of grace and justification. I am more consistent in abiding and feel my God-given dreams are coming true. My identity is strong and I usually feel very happy and content with life.

 “O Lord my God. I cried to you for help, and you have healed me” (Psalm 30:2).

“A broken heart leads to pain. Pain and reflection leads to wisdom”. (Maxime Lagacé)

 If it is a God-given dream, it will eventually come true if we have strong faith and resiliently don’t give up. Unfortunately, some dreams aren’t God’s will and are impossible.

 In my early years, I had dreams that were not God’s will that never came to fruition. Failures to become an NBA basketball player, a nuclear technician, a machinist mate, and later a computer programmer led to brokenness, which I experienced for years, but today, I have no regrets as today as I am a very content and happy person. God’s unanswered prayers are for our best, as everything God does works for our good.

I chased those dreams for the wrong reasons: to prove to those who didn’t love or accept me that “I am competent and worthy of love”, by trying to do great things. Desperately desiring to be loved and considered good, I felt shame, self-hatred, and a broken heart from my failures to be great. I answered the two questions “Who am I?” and “Am I loved?” very pessimistically; therefore, my heart was broken.

Even if those dreams had come true, I would still have felt unloved and no good because of my rejection mindset. What I desperately needed was unconditional love, not based upon performance. I needed to experience the acceptance and grace of a perfect father who would unconditionally love me, even if my life would never amount to anything. It took many years to figure it out, but today I realize I have that kind of perfect father in God the Father. His perfect love and grace have set me free!

Since all our experiences are part of our SHAPE, which has been perfectly designed to fulfill our purpose, I believe that the struggles of my failed dreams were not in vain. They made me wiser and were used by God to mold my character, to name a few.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who] have been called according to his purpose.”  (Romans 8:28)

Our life is like a seed, planted and buried in the ground, covered by dirt and darkness under the earth. Dirt and darkness represent unpleasant life struggles and sufferings (my dirt and darkness were my abuse, “choking teacher incident in tenth grade, my Navy experiences, struggles with my mental illness, and broken dreams). This seed (our life) grows slowly over time, eventually evolving into a fruit-bearing plant. In my life, this website and the lives I attempt to change are the fruit of the seeds God planted in my life.

Life Circumstances Crush You

Satan uses life circumstances to crush and destroy us, to make us into weak, defeated, powerless Christians. God uses the same trials to mold us into strong faith, dependent upon God, confident, fearless, fruitful, victorious soldiers of Christ.

In my early years, God gave me crushing life experiences that made me realize I couldn’t handle them solely on my strength. Forced to rely upon Him daily, I realized how powerful He is and that mountains can be moved and giants can be conquered through Him. Learning this and realizing how weak I am without Him daily leads me to consistently rely upon the Spirit to do all things rather than doing things on my own. Thus, because I am weak, I am strong because I rely upon Him for everything I do or face in life.

In your tough times, God is preparing you for something great. He is building your character, faith, and perseverance and teaching you to rely upon Him. “Although not everything is good, He works everything for good.”; every experience, every situation, for all of His children. “God has a plan. He is shaping the plan and shaping you for that plan.”

“Perfect love casts out fear.” The more you realize the Father loves you, the more you trust His goodness.  The more you trust in His goodness and sovereignty, the more you trust His ways and the less fear you have. And as you rely upon Him daily, the stronger you become, and possibly, the less likely doubt and fear prevent you from becoming the person you are and accomplishing the goals God has helped you to set.

Always guard your heart. Don’t let the devil prevent you from living the victorious Christian life: one whose life purpose is fully met.

When you are empty

Regardless of how great or terrible your imperfect father was, you are in some need of heart healing. No earthly father is perfect, and every earthly father has failed to some degree in giving love to his children. Abba Father is the only perfect father who always gives perfect love.

To experience healing from your father’s wound, humbly come as a child to God and receive His perfect love and healing. “It is God’s desire to heal your broken heart and fill you with His amazing love. Personal transformation begins with a heart encounter. Yet in order for the heart to engage transformation, the love of God must be experienced in a personal way”. (Mark DeJesus)

“Snuggle in God’s arms. When you are hurting, when you feel lonely, left out. let Him cradle you, comfort you, reassure you of His all-sufficient power and love” (Kay Arthur). Don’t listen to the devil’s lies and the father’s wound.

“The human heart has a way of making itself large again even after it’s been broken into a million pieces. (Robert James Waller)

“When God is involved, anything can happen. Be open. Stay that way. God has a beautiful way of bringing good vibrations out of broken chords” (Chuck Swindoll).

 “No matter what storm you face, you need to know that God loves you. He has not abandoned you” (Franklin Graham). Remember, in every experience, even if they are not good, God has a plan, and He will eventually work your situation for your good and His glory.

“Leave the broken, irreversible past in God’s hands, and step out into the invincible future with Him” (Oswald Chambers). “The heart will break, but broken live on” (Lord Byron).

If you are hurting, please listen to this song:  Thousand Foot Krutch – In My Room (lyrics)

Always Guard Your Heart

Sources:

GOD USES HARD TIMES TO HELP US GROW | Embrace The Hard Times – Inspirational & Motivational Video

5 Ways Your Heart is Broken

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